My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
