I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
