I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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