i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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