apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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