wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
