when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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