Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
