he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
