I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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