I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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