we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How external is "for external use only"?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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