The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
