Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
