So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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