I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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