I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
