You can't motorboat a personality
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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