Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
