I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
