i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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