I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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