OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
