i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
