my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
