Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
