Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
