Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
