I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
