I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
