So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
