he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
