i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
