I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
