she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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