ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
