I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
