According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
