You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
