the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
