The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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