I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
