I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
