i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
