Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
