I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
