I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They took my balls.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
