So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
