The maid of honor just puked.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
