I didn't shave. On purpose
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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