Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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