I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
