What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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