Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
