Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My penis needs a shock collar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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