And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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